Would You Buy Some Donkey Hide Viagra from this Guy?

(CNN)Gelatin produced from donkey hide is a key ingredient of one of China’s favorite traditional remedies, known as ejiao, which is used to treat a range of ailments from colds to insomnia.

But as the rising power shifts towards advanced industry and away from traditional agriculture, donkeys are in decline. State statistics show the population has fallen from 11 million to six million over the last 20 years.

“Da-ji-how! I’m Howard Ruark. I’m a graduate of Harvard University, with a PhD in physiology and am the director of Asia-Pacific Pharmaceuticals.”

Viagra and Shark gelatin for arthritic joint pain were my bread and butter product promotions

Thus, began my 10 minute sales presentation to between 500-700 Chinese countryside folks at zero-seven hundred hours in the municipal theater of a city famous for its donkey cuisine. My handler-translator and I arrived the night before, checked into our shared room at the local one and a half star hotel, then headed out for the best donkey restaurant.

Couldn’t read any of the Chinese characters but the Donkey logo made it easy to spot

I had the full-Monty of five dishes from donkey soup, stir-fry and filet. Donkey meat has that large dog taste, lean and not a threat to the beef industry.  I had, had the donkey experience in Zhengzhou a few times – even an illiterate can spot the silhouette over the entrance.

However, as Howard Ruark, I was there to put my American face on the promotion of ‘Nah-Dough,’ Japanese health food capsules labelled as an American product. But the real selling feature that got 500-700 people to the show – oh, I forgot, they were old married couples – was the implicit benefit of Chinese Viagra.

Henan Province sends 20+ doctors for a two stint to Eritrea, Ethiopia and Zambia. Jane Marie and I were lucky enough to visit this group at their hospital in Addis Addaba

Following a contract dispute, I fell back on my ESL teacher role and proceeded to immerse Henan Province doctors going to Africa in my beginners’ course “Green Eggs & Ham.”  Once they mastered the linguistics of “Not here, not there, not ANYWHERE,” we moved on to “The CAT in the HAT.”

你能和山羊一起去吗?我不会,也不会,你和一只山羊

My students covered the medical field from acupuncture to brain surgery and I initially sought their advice for my osteoarthritis. But around the sixth week I manned-up the face-losing nerve to ask for their Chinese Viagra recommendation. A doctor getting ready to go on his second two-year stint to Zambia gave me this script: 条鱼,两条鱼,红色的鱼,蓝色的鱼

Your typical upscale donkey meat delicacies restaurant

We moved to Yantai in 2013 and when I took my script to the neighborhood pharmacy I discovered why China is buying up the global supply of donkeys. After, the usual pleasantry “Knee-How,” I show my note and she gave me the “May-Low” NO! The pharmacist suggested ejiao tea. I quickly responded with my third Chinese vocabulary word “Dew-Ow-Shall” or how much? 900 yuan or $150 for three of these brown bars.

My over the counter purchase was in the difficult to dissolve brick format

The Google search of ejiao put Yantai , China as famous for their donkey hide concoction that increases the blood flow and circulation system. How the hide of a donkey turned into gel bricks could do that remains a mystery but for 900 yuan I sensed it was meant for something else besides colds and insomnia.