ATTACHMENT STAGE (0-18 months) 
The Avoider:
  Minimizer, Rigid Boundaries
Basic Fear (Wound): Contact may lead to emotional and physical rejection, loss of self through contact with partner (parent) Growth ChallengeClaim right to be; initiate emotional and physical contact; express feelings; increase body awareness and sensory contact with environment 

Esther took me to the Society of Friends meeting house to watch the neighboring Quaker ladies do their thing. At age five I was quick to get back to playing cowboys and Indians with my cap pistol. Although there were only 70 citizens in Valley Mills, Indiana the quilting bee gathering was an example of Tocqueville’s definition of America’s success: “associations of like-minded individuals.”

I Was Born An Orphan

  • There are three kinds of orphans – fictional like Santa Claus, Batman, Spiderman and of course Cinderella
  • Then there are regular, orphan orphans like Nelson Mandela, Marilyn Monroe and Steve Jobs
  • I am the third type, an emotional orphan like both Bill and Hillary Clinton, Obama, and 35% of the US population.

Emotional Geek to Chic Geezer

I do not know why you are in China, maybe you were born here or something. I told anybody and everybody, that I came here looking for a Chinese lady, over forty who could speak English. The truth is I am looking for my mianzi. I believe that every person loses their mianzi in childhood, then spends the rest of their life looking for it, in their relationships with others. My friend from the US remarked after her visit to China, “what’s with all you old guys, walking hand in hand with these young Chinese chicks?”
Well, I cannot speak for all ‘laowai’ guys but as for me I lost my confidence, my mianzi in my very first year of high school. I was a short, skinny, little blond, blue eyed boy. This was cute and cool in primary school but when I went off to the 2,000 student 7th thru 12th college preparatory high school, I felt like one of those math geniuses entering university at the age of 12.  
High School Social Geek: emotionally insecure I had my first date in the 5th grade and my second in my third year of college. Swim class did me in. Back in the 50’s the boys went naked to swim class. Every Tuesday and Thursday 29 teenage monster boys with pubic hair and one little me, who would not shave until the 21st century. The thought of asking a girl for a date to the prom, or even talking to any female other than the teacher, was terrifying. It was not until my third year in college, after I had armored myself with Chic Geek clothes, cars and clubs, that I dared ask a ‘her,’ a ‘she’ out.
 Joe College Greek  Geek: Sigma Chi Fraternity brothers at the University of Cincinnati. “If, you can’t go Greek, go Teke.”
 G.I. Joe Geek: Philippines, Taiwan, Japan, Hong Kong, California, Panama, Rio de Janeiro.